Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Shuttles, Sundays and my Love/Hate for/with them

So, without going into too much detail and possibly unwilling revealing who I am lets just say that I have grown to strongly dislike (dislike used here only to keep my self proposes promise of not hating unbroken) space shuttle launches. 

  The work I do very much of the time revolves on space shuttle launches, movements, processing etc. in a visual capacity. Lately it has revolved around delays of launches, movements and processing.  This keeps me away from my soulmate, best friend, lover, life partner, co-pilot (though she can't drive a stick), wife- also known as BlueBird.  

I will say I love what I do, I just do not like to do it 70 hours a week. Lately my weekends have been filled with capturing images, both moving and still, of said shuttle and other misc. yet-to- be-in-space things and not filled with Blue Bird in my arms or by my side. I miss Blue Bird and
it hurts to be away from her all of the time.

   Sunday? That is the the day Maya was born sleeping. So those days are hard for me. But really, I blame the effing space shuttle. You see, I was at work the night before that fateful crappy visit to the hospital to find no heart  beat. Blue Bird hadn't noticed her moving as much or at least had a feeling she wasnt moving as much. Me I was stuck at work, in the middle of a shuttle  launch show, unable to come home and unable to check on Maya And Blue Bird.    Would it have made a difference? Probably not. But for forever and ever I will associate shuttle launches with the hard goodbye that we had to say too soon. And missing Maya and BlueBird are the reasons why I hate (I said it this time) them...

 

 

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I miss you and I wish that you didn't have to work such crazy hours all the time...Please don't blame yourself for what happened.

I love you
xxoo

Catherine W said...

You are working horribly long hours. I hated it when my husband went back to work after we lost G. I just wanted to be with him.

A little bit of me is always going to hate space shuttles now too.

Hope's Mama said...

My husband was working crazy hours before our baby was born sleeping, all too get a bit more cash saved up before the big arrival. I wish I could have that time back, even with the same outcome, so he could spend it with me and our daughter in those final weeks and days. And I too hated it when he had to go back to work seven weeks later. Our world had stopped spinning, but apparantly the rest of the world hadn't. Not fair!

Davecaster said...

Hello. I just found your blog. I have enjoyed reading your posts it would be good to hear more from you. I like reading the experiences of all on this journey but especially the dads.

Take care